The music is loud. You don’t know who to talk to. It looks like everyone else knows way more people. Did you know that we all feel self-conscious in some social situations?
This was one of those topics that came up at a Between Carpools meeting – we’re not sure how we got started on the conversation, but when one of us mentioned that we feel awkward socializing at weddings–suddenly everyone began admitting that they too felt the same way.
We thought it might be helpful to share our thoughts on the topic–even if we don’t have solutions. Still, it was helpful for us to know that other people felt the same way. So we thought you might appreciate it too
The music’s loud–we feel like we’re supposed to be having conversations with people. It looks like everyone else is having conversations. And when we finally do find ourselves someone to talk to, we find ourselves simply nodding, making believe that we hear what they’re saying when we really don’t.
And then–when we go to dance with the kallah or mother of the kallah–or if we greet the baal simcha before the dancing–what do we say? Again, it looks like everyone else has something meaningful to say and you wonder what it was. But all we can manage beyond “Mazel Tov,” is the trite, “You look beautiful!” or “Your gown is gorgeous.”
“I feel like an airhead when I say that!” one of us said. Just what does one say to the baal simcha?
The thing is–at these moments–we think that we’re the only ones that feel this way. We look around and it seems like everyone knows who to talk to and what to say.
Perhaps it’s the same at night bar mitzvahs. Shabbos simchas, though, are definitely different. There, there’s no music and the crowd is more likely to be close family or neighbors, rather than a more diverse mix.
It seems that some of us are very outgoing and confident. But guess what:
Says one such outgoing person, “Sometimes, when there’s silence at the table, I say something stupid just to make everyone feel comfortable.”
What’s the point? Everyone else can appear totally confident. But even those people who appear confident don’t know what to say (and even feel self-conscious about what they chose to wear!). They feel the same way you do.
Regarding the what to wear: We also realized that no one else cares. If you feel good before you walk out the door, that is good. Put in the extra effort for yourself, so you feel confident. No one else is going to notice or remember.
One of us did marry off a child. And we asked her, “What did people tell you in the middle of the circle?”
She said, “I don’t remember anything specific.”
So if you also say nonsense to the baal simcha in the middle of the circle, don’t worry. You’re in the company of everyone.
How do you feel? Do you have advice on this topic?
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The post Do You Also Feel Uncomfortable at Simchas? appeared first on Between Carpools.
